if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
