My brain says no but my pants say off.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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