I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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