I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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