Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
