I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
