i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
