If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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