things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
