Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize