Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
