Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
