I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize