Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
