My friends, they love my intelligence
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
