So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
