It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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