i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
