So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Boobs speak an international language.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
