He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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