Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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