You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
