You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
