I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize