Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
