and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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