i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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