STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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