I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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