What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
