so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A+ Viking dick
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