Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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