Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
