seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
