it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
