my being single is dangerous.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
