I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i dont even know how to be here
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
