My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
