You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
And then he peed in my hair
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