I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
