dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
