He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
