Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize