There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I intend to get homeless drunk
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize