meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
