I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
