overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
