Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
