she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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