Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
