you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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