dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
