I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
