I can text with my tongue
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I currently don't understand fingers.
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