I wanna bring you to show and tell
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
