There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
...so i touched it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
