I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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