shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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