CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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