I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
