Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
