i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I sprained my soul last night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
this is an emotional support booty call
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
