I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize