Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
