Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
