No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
