WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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