She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
