I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
so much tequila, so little girl.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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