My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
