I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wish my penis had a tongue
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize