walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
