don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
