He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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