My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
